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Kendal Rugby Club, Cumbria

THE LEGEND - BLACKHEATH v's KENDAL by Eileen Dover (Roving Match Correspondent)

Written by craig hine
Monday, 19 January 2009 15:40
THE TRIP DOWN TO CAPITAL CITY. What you are about to read isn’t a fable. It is a true account of what is officially now a Kendal legend. History was made. Forgive me, it’s a bit long, but it needs to be so you get the feel of the trip. Each stage has its own title!! The club was taking two ‘teams’ on this bus. The actual playing side + their management, then there was the ‘Alikidos’, a rabble of “all-sorts” responsible for meeting people, staying up late, eating, drinking and generally making merry.The idea was to truck on down to Watford and stay over in the Ramada Jarvis hotel on Friday night, then complete the trip, after a lie in, on game day.With luck we’d be there by about 10 pm so the Alikidos could do their ‘duty’ and have a few ‘wets’ and the lads could hit the sack. As we stood there in the pouring rain at the club waiting for the bus, we did wonder if this was a sign of things to come. More than a little frustrating. Parentages and co-ordination abilities were already being called into question!!Half an hour later, the bus had rocked up and we were away, albeit a little sodden. It was at this stage Frank ‘Captain Chaos’ Jameson trotted out his first excuse regarding transport arrangements. Forgiven, he was put on a ‘suspended sentence’ because of his age. A little into the trip ‘Captain Chaos’ edged his way up the bus again to make an announcement. We would have to change drivers at a service station, as this one had run out of hours and was ‘spent’. Not the end of the world but when it came to it the coach company hadn’t actually got the driver waiting for us, so we lost another 40 minutes. Fed and watered at the services and we were away again, new driver installed.With ‘Captain Chaos’ sat over his shoulder and a Satnav in place, it wasn’t long before between them they had missed a junction, despite all the turns being on the left hand side and marked in several places in advance with signs the size of the end of a house!! Specsavers beckons!!! More time lost……………would the bar still be open!!! Twas a worry! Nearly at the hotel now and lost again. The phrase “professional coach driver my ar-e” was now being banded about. 11:40 pm and we eventually piled off the bus and checked in, to this really nice hotel. Clearly something Frank had had nothing whatsoever to do with!!!! Today had turned into a bit of a nightmare, would tomorrow be better!! Mercifully the bar was still open so refreshments were taken. At around half past midnight things took a turn for the much, much better. A coach party flooded the bar. They had clearly had a good Christmas party and were now topping off the occasion here.The Alikidos went into charm mode (their jobs as you’ll recall), chatting to one and all from this rail workers recruitment company. It wasn’t too long before Steve Dowks managed to ‘negotiate’ a free bar courtesy of their boss. (Good work Steve). As it went passed 3 am there was talk of ‘batting on through” until breakfast. After all the bar was open and it was on the boss, so we had no excuse.Mercifully the bar staff shut the bar at 04:30. Some of us were broken or close to it and it would have been a sorry sight if the bar had been littered with a bunch of men and I, come breakfast time. The rail company is about a grand lighter today after the boss paid off the tab. Not all our own work but me and some of the boys certainly had woolly heads later. Cheers boss!!!!!! After breakfast the team were taken aside and given a team talk by Bully. An opportunity to make history. Game day so it was serious heads on.The ground wasn’t too far away, so we set sail at 10:45 with plenty of time in hand………………unfortunately we hadn’t factored in Frank-Frank’s Tom-Tom pathfinding abilities and the drivers inability to look at signposts!!!! We knew we were in trouble when Captain Chaos came down the bus clutching some internet printed AA routeplanner sheets, asking if anybody had other ideas for a route!! We opted for the A2 coming straight in from the east. A straight road in, with Blackheath’s club not far from it.Too easy!! Our driver, ‘Mr Magoo’, missed the junction despite the massive signs and we found ourselves heading towards Dover, on a road with no turn offs, in totally the wrong direction!! You couldn’t make it up.‘Chaos’ now took command and ordered ‘Magoo’ to take the M20 at the first opportunity. Unfortunately we had to drive around most of the roads in Kent to get there. We were going to be late!! Little did we know at this stage, that the map-busting duo of Chaos and Magoo weren’t finished today, not by a long chalk!After getting lost a further two times we eventually towed up at the ground at 13:10. 50 minutes to kick off. 40 minutes late but who’s counting!!!! On the way in, most of the Alikidos saw a weakness in Blackheath security and exploited the gap, pouring through it without troubling the paymaster at the gate. The first bit of luck today!! MATCH REPORT – BLACKHEATH v. KENDAL EDF ENERGY TROPHY The groundstaff were hard at work trying hard to disperse some of the more waterlogged areas of the pitch just before kick-off. It wasn’t raining much and was relatively calm although a little cold. Conditions we are very familiar with.The pitch was to have two games played on it today, our game first, then Shaun Edwards had brought a Wasps XV to play a Blackheath XV later.This is the first ever meeting between our two clubs so no history to point to an outcome, although they do sit a league above us. The Blackheath coach had decided to see off lowly Kendal with a team containing only 6 first team players and fielded the rest of the squad against Wasps.School boy error, or master stroke?? Who knew, but under-estimate your opposition at your peril. Time would tell. In the first five minutes Kendal dominated the game. No slow start today. Good retention and plenty of probing moves trying to punch holes to test the defence.Good vocal support for the visitors willed them on, old hands Darren Sharpe and Casey Mee amongst them. 5 minutes in and Blackheath’s young stand off, who looked to be a quality player, kicked through to the right hand corner, for right wing Lima to outpace the cover and dive on the ball. Oh dear. The conversion was missed, but 5 – 0 down in 5 mins didn’t bode well. We all wondered how our team would react and did our best to lift them with plenty of noise and encouragement. After a few kicks to test reactions it was clear that Blackheath weren’t comfortable under the high ball and Kendal set about exploiting this, peppering the right wing in particular, who had hands like flippers and knocked on more often than not. Parky on the other hand was solid under the high ball and showed the opposition up with a faultless display fielding the high balls all day.Although Blackheath were strong in the scrummage and gave us a torrid time, it was Kendal’s pick and go from the base where the men from the north excelled, especially at the ruck base. Setting up driving maul after driving maul, ruck after ruck. After ten minutes they showed we hadn’t come all this way for nothing. 25 metres of this sapping, pick and go graft and Big Rig Richard Harriman was unstoppable close in, to the delight of the Kendal supporters.Dan’s conversion hit the bar, but we now had a weakness to exploit. Blackheath on the other hand looked a bit rudderless, squandering chances with poor handling. Kendal now upped the tempo, setting the pace with ruthless attacks and uncompromising defence not giving the opposition time on the ball before being smashed.The slippery ball was our main undoing as well but things were swinging our way.On 15 minutes, Dan Stephens chipped through into space behind the line on a rehearsed move. Lewis Boyd was through like lightning to gather the ball after one bounce and dive in. Some would say lucky bounce. I would say awesome move!!Dan’s conversion was good. 5-12 and Blackheath looked shell shocked. This wasn’t in the script!!. When it was clearly swinging Kendal’s way I had a Blackheath chap sat next to me trying to tell me it was a scratch side. I pointed out that this was a first team fixture and that is what we had put out. Like it or not the Sunday Telegraph would report the result no matter what. He was not amused and neither were the rest of the stand, well the Blackheath lot anyway. They were being outplayed on the pitch and out-supported in the stand. Seriously unhappy. He went at half time and funnily enough he never came back. Loser! Blackheath tried to up their game. They were being embarrassed at home and it was hurting. Unfortunately for them they were met by tenacious defence.They did look dangerous whenever they got into Kendal’s 22 though. On the first occasion a chip over led to a ruck, but the pack went over the top, bombing the chance out.The second foray looked more promising with the inside centre clean through, for an almost certain try, only to be ‘creamed’ by an exocet like challenge by Zane Butler. Unfortunately it was judged a little high and the ref awarded a penalty in front to the sticks. The kick was taken and the score closed to 8-12 with ten to play in the half. In the last minute of the first half, Kendal’s steam-roller pack rumbled forward up the right side. Desperate defence conceded the penalty on the 22, but rather than taking a shot, Dan pumped the ball into the corner.The catch n drive was on. Again we battered our forward only for the Blackheath hooker to commit a crime with hands in at the ruck close to the line. The crime was serious enough to warrant a yellow card, so off he went.The ‘flying wedge’ penalty was taken but the effort was held up over the line. Time was up and the teams went in with the score at 8-12. It was more of the same at the start of the second half to the delight of the Kendal throng.Kendal were now dominating all facets of the game and to be honest with the score line at 8-12 it was flattering the home side.With that in mind a probing kick by Dan had to be put into touch by Blackheath after a good chase. The resulting Kendal catch n drive recipe was just what was called for. G.G. rising for a perfect line out and the pack securing the ball, before inching forward. It was Big Rig again touching down, being far too much of a handful for the dispirited Blackheath pack to hold back.Dan’s kick was unsuccessful again but 8-17 was a significant gap. Would we have a lull in performance where we are guilty of taking our foot off the pedal? Again Blackheath tried to counter, but again they were met with frantic and fierce defence. A brutal, brilliant display of hard-man rugby. Blackheath realised they were running out of time now and began flinging the ball about, but today was a day to keep it tight and safe. The stand-offs efforts came to nothing as the ball either went to ground or the Kendal back row or midfield defence mugged the ball carrier, forcing an error. On 25 minutes Blackheath were awarded a scrum in their own 22. Usually solid, it was a massive surprise to everyone when the Kendal 8 shunted Blackheath backwards disrupting the play at the base. Great stuff.In the lineout as well, Liam and G.G. were causing chaos on the Blackheath throws, stealing a couple and spoiling others to the appreciation of the black and amber crowd. Five minutes later, Blackheath conceded a penalty at the breakdown. Again this was put into the corner by another excellent kick out of hand. Catch n drive seemed to be a favourite today, despite the new rule where it can be pulled down.Another text book lineout and again the hardworking forwards powered forward relentlessly. Gary Holmes was the man with ball in hand when he dived through. Massive score!! The Kendal fans were jumping up and down in the stand - this was as if we were actually “living the dream”!!!Dan missed the kick from wide out. 8-22. Were we far enough ahead?? Last 10 and it wasn’t beyond the realms of possibility that Blackheath could snatch two quick tries and even up the game. They tried it.Kendal never gave an inch. Not one backward step was taken. If it had been a boxing match the ref would have stopped it. When the final whistle came it was Kendal on the attack yet again. Goffy kicked the ball off the park and the ref put the wounded Blackheath animal out of it’s misery with the final whistle.Yeeeeeeeeees!!!!!!!!! Looking back at the second half, Blackheath only went into the Kendal half when they kicked off after Kendal had scored, such was the dominance.This game was won with the whole team fully showing true grit and having a great game. The pack was absolutely immense and the backs unbreakable.I have watched Kendal many times over the years and this performance was up there in the top three. Well worth the £27(!!!) we’d paid to come. Now that is a “Billy Bargain” in anyone’s books!!!! Not one to laugh at misfortune, but I couldn’t resist a smile when the Blackheath v Wasps game was abandoned by the ref when the weather took a turn for the worse. So not only had a bunch of hillbillies broken Blackheath’s will in the first game, but they never even had a chance of winning the second. I overheard one say they had gone out of the cup unnecessarily. Yeah right!! Given the way Kendal played I doubt they would have gone through anyway!!Our victory song “Kendal’s coming up the hill” rang out in the dressing room to signal the victory. Blackheath’s dressing room was quiet. So in answer to the original question…………….. master stoke or school boy error??? …….Yep it was a massive, massive school boy error to under estimate Kendal. THE RETURN LEG BACK TO GOD’S OWN COUNTRY. When we got on the bus to go at 6pm, a wannabe popstar got on the bus to promote her single. (I’m not making this up.) She even blasted out a few bars. She was very good, no idea who she was though. I don’t think she realised how close she came to being kidnapped!!! Raring to go Mr. Magoo now had the chance to redeem himself. He had had about 5 hours to get his map out and plan his route. I reckoned on about 6 hours for the trip including a stop. We got off to a great start, he took us to the local offy and chippy for supplies!!! Good book opened.Off we went. Easy stuff. A2 out of London, hit the M25 then up to the M1 then M6 ………. In theory at least.Noooooooo! Magoo missed the junction, so we now found ourselves following the South London Circular!!!!Good book slammed shut!!!!!We stayed on this for an age, but with his trusty Satnav in play we were sure he knew what he was doing!! We settled into a few celebratory beers.When someone shouted up that we had already passed a row of shops for the second time, Magoo decided to mention his Satnav was just going round and round in circles!!! Brilliant. All the constant stopping and starting at traffic lights wasn’t doing the bus any favours either and it began to judder when we set off. Still we were still going so who cared. Captain Chaos sat quiet.After 2 HOURS on the never ending south circular loop, Magoo realised we had to get off it. He dived for a junction and suddenly we were heading for the Thames and central London and the sights!! Magoo knew where he was at last, so he claimed. We all doubted it.Passed Hyde Park, Marble Arch and Horse Guards Parade, London Eye in the background and onto Oxford street. The Christmas lights were lovely!!!We swung a left onto Portland Street and it was here that the trip officially became an ‘adventure’. The bus clutch was buggered and we couldn’t move. The ‘wheels on the bus’ woundn’t go “round and round, round and round” anymore!!!! Stranded in the middle of the road we had to push the bus through a red light to the side of the road. There are pictures to prove this by the way!!Magoo called in to Big Top Central and asked for Noddy to bring a new bus. Spotting a chink of light to get in the good books Captain Chaos took us to the pub!!! (Frank, you saved yourself a lynching with that bold but brilliant move!!!) When the bus turned up we de-camped from one to the other, leaving a bit of a job for the cleaners. Sorry.Off we went, all seemed to be going well. We hit the M1 - perhaps Magoo really did know where he was going after all!!!The party began and looking towards the back of the bus it looked like a packed pub with people stood up chatting, laughing and joking. There were plenty of provisions to go at so all was well. Magoo got his boot down now and it seemed to be going well for the next few hours. The party got louder and louder and the spirits got higher and higher along with the antics. We did have a stoppage on the hard shoulder when G.G. claimed that the Welsh were better coach drivers than the English, but bar that everything seemed fine until the Magoo dropped the final bombshell in his armoury of errors, just to round off his ‘faultless’ performance. He had run out of hours, so we needed another driver. We had spent so much time touring London sightseeing that his time was nearly up. I started looking under my seat for Sid James ……………It was like a Carry On film! He rang Big Top Central again asking for a relief driver. We had to meet him at Forton Services!!!!! Rules is rules you know!!We piled into the services for a leg stretch and a bite to eat. “Back in 20 lads” was the call, so off we went. Five minutes later and a ‘scout’ was sent back in to flush the boys out. The relief driver couldn’t reach us at the services, we would have to meet him at Caton Road. Planning ahead is this coach company’s strong point. On the bus again. Off we went to meet up with the new driver.At Caton Road we swapped over drivers, bidding the tip-less Mr. Magoo a ‘fond farewell’. The new driver turned in a faultless display, turning off at the right junctions and stopping when he should etc. all the way from Lancaster to Kendal!! Captain Chaos took full responsibility for this driver.I eventually got home at 3 a.m. ……………. 3 hours later than planned. 9 hours after leaving Blackheath. Looking back as I write this, I witnessed an adventure to be reckoned with and wouldn’t have missed it for the world. I think everyone there would go along with that. Truly a magnificent victory and now a Kendal legend. Best of all I can say “I was there”.Where next lads?? Eileen’s two top tipsMy two top tips this week are;Frank ‘Captain Chaos’ Jameson should handle the transport arrangements for all future away trips, for the practice if nothing else!! Which brings me to one of my famous quotes just for Frank ……….. Remember the 7 P’s Frank….Prior Planning and Preperation Prevents P-ss Poor Performance!!!!And to our team, raise your game like that every week and we would beat all comers in the league. Marvellous stuff.Well done boys. Here’s to more of the same!! By Eileen DoverRoving Match Correspondent and new London tourist.
Last Updated ( Sunday, 02 August 2009 10:19 )